it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
