I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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