This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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