you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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