he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
