somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
