my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
