apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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