I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
