Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
