if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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