They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
