you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
