did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
