he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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