Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
