Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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