dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
