Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
