we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
