moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
