He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
