So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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