your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize