your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
