Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
