2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We just shotgunned beers for America
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
