A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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