After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
