Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
