i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
