i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
