found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
