Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
