We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
