i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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