He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
