it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
