Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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