Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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