They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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