theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
