Say something about gay babies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
