Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
