ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
