I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
