how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
