stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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