I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
