Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
