She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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