hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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