If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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