Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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