Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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