I hate all girls vehemently.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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