yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
