My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
