Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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