Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you win again, gameday.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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