So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
