I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
