dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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