He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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