Can i not drive my cunt home
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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