Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
