Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize