I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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