Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
