She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
